In which I pay my final visit to the Clone Wars, closing the loop on what turned out to be, in many ways, my favourite Star Wars storytelling since I was seven years old. Read my full review here.
1. We’re not gonna put periods between all the letters of SHIELD any more. On a related note, the title is terrible. It should just be SHIELD.
2. The primary casting is awful. I literally can’t tell the four main characters apart - or at least, I can’t tell the two boys apart, or the two girls apart. I know we’re on network TV here, but this must be one of the most egregious examples of casting a supermodel-ish Life Model Decoy where a regular human being would have been better, like, ever.
3. And the look is awful. Alias, back in 2002, had a more dynamic visual style than this, from both a photographic and design perspective. This is piss-poor in the extreme, and in the post-LOST world, doesn’t pass muster. Firefly was gorgeous to look at. Dollhouse, less so. SHIELD, even less so yet.
4. And other than those 3 things, I was happy as a pig in slop watching this. A lot of this was due to things, though, that I expect to be peripheral to the show - I loved J. August Richards, was a little bit too excited when Ron Glass showed up, want a Cobie Smulders / Maria Hill action figure so bad, and could watch Ming-Na Wen kick the shit out of HYDRA agents (because come on!) for a good three or four seasons. I also like the Scottish guy’s accent, and thought J’s final monologue was terrific. I could take or leave the flying car.
In which Kurt does his usual bang-up job collating the opinions of the Row Three TIFFers - including myself and Mr. Price - as we wend our way down the bests and worsts of the Toronto International Film Festival. Seriously, why don’t you play in hell?
For our upcoming mega-post building consensus opinion about the 2013 festival, tagged best/worst/loved/hated/etc. With links to all those pesky little Vines I did, cuz heaven forbid I ever write anything any more.
Why Don’t You Play in Hell? [BEST] vine.co/v/hnvvZrgVXVu
A Story of Children and Film [LOVED] vine.co/v/hJrZbI9vXaj
Only Lovers Left Alive [LOVED] vine.co/v/hJ6VIvTl5Pa
All Cheerleaders Die [LIKED] vine.co/v/hJg2ZVgQb2O
Horns [LOVED] vine.co/v/hJTAUj7XQBB
Blue is the Warmest Colour [DISAPPOINTED] vine.co/v/hJELjjU2VZY
The Double [DISAPPOINTED] vine.co/v/hJVPg397iTH
Fat [LIKED] vine.co/v/hJYDVtqBZrF
The Green Inferno [LIKED] vine.co/v/hJ3T50jKOdK
Canopy [HATED] vine.co/v/h1mejBAAEZH
OCULUS [LOVED] vine.co/v/h1KdhKmd1jn
MARY Queen of Scots [DISAPPOINTED] vine.co/v/h15iqDAewpg
The Dinner [HATED] vine.co/v/h1JilQVqxU2
Tracks [LIKED] vine.co/v/h1dFYp3vJgb
How I Live Now [DISAPPOINTED] vine.co/v/h1dPquhwXdX
Man of Tai Chi [LIKED] vine.co/v/h1xW12vYpzw
Celestial Wives of the Meadow Mari [LOVED] vine.co/v/h1xLFuUgqZV
Jodorowsky’s Dune [LIKED] vine.co/v/h1Q9dbigea3
REAL [HATED] vine.co/v/hnBTh1wBiwE
R100 [LOVED] vine.co/v/hnaqh3Q5tBL
Unforgiven [LIKED] vine.co/v/hnbp1UuggIB
The Stag [DISAPPOINTED] vine.co/v/hnhVhOH3zMm
We Are The Best! [LIKED] vine.co/v/hnnWLdQO25j
Cannibal [LIKED] vine.co/v/hn6ruB96x7P
Paradise: Hope [LIKED] vine.co/v/hnjxQzmY2P5
We Gotta Get Out Of This Place [LIKED] vine.co/v/hnt1EHvP7DE
Moebius [WORST] vine.co/v/hnuXl06jDIA
All my #TIFF13 Vine reviews, strung together. Ends up feeling about as schizophrenic as the week itself.
Seems I’m filing this later and later, year by year. Can’t recall doing it in June before. But yes, I still collect toys! Like, maybe, four toys a year! Some of them are pricey though, and some of them are cheap and I take them with me into the bath. See if you can guess which ones, from the best I bought in 2012:
#1: Captain Jack Sparrow, Hot Toys DX 06 - On Stranger Tides
Pretty much the only good thing that came out of that godawful monstrosity of a movie was the chance to update my Jack Sparrow figure. The At World’s End line was what brought me into collecting Hot Toys in the first place - Elizabeth Swann, blurry on the left up there, was my first, but their initial Jack Sparrow left a lot to be desired in the visual personality department. All that and more has been amended for the DX edition, which still doesn’t quite read “perfect” to my eye, but is a damn sight better, regardless, and packed up the yinyang with every high-class collectible oddity one could hope for, up to and including the real suede boots. (Yes, my dollie has real suede boots!) Really my only major beef with the item was where the fuck to put the Black Pearl's steering wheel that comes with - cuz what?!Read more
“All field units. Intercept the android.”
There’s a new Star Trek movie in theatres, and I’ve got pretty serious problems with it; which makes this a perfect time to continue my backwards troll through the endlessly problematic Star Trek: The Next Generation feature films, bringing me to Star Trek: Insurrection, a.k.a. Star Trek 9, and – arguably – the origin of whatever problem in the franchise grew so massive that it compelled Paramount to hit the reboot switch, wiping out 40 years of Star Trek continuity. Something about the mood in the room changes with Star Trek 9, and the franchise crosses the border from mainstream fare to fan service, even though the fans didn’t like it much either. This was 1998 – Deep Space Nine was wrapping up (Worf’s presence on the Enterprise explained in a line which is, delightfully, interrupted before finishing, as though to assure the audience that no one cares), Voyager was in the middle of its lackluster run, and Enterprise was imminent. Less than half a decade later, Star Trek would be a dead duck. The tide turned here.Read more
In 2009 I wrote a non-review of the first Abrams film by way of sidestepping the excruciating scope of having to respond to this newfangled property directly; the guy who’s Blogging the Next Generation every week, I’m far too close to the material to do anything but repeat the trick. So, with apologies again, let’s (boldly) go: